The following are a collection of stories, opinions and comments submitted through The Brock Press’ digital drop box located in the K block of Mackenzie Chown.
In pursuit of integrity — and as a voice for Brock students — The Brock Press has chosen to leave submissions largely as they were received. Readers are advised that some entries contain strong language.
Name: Zayden Riemann
Major: Recreation and Leisure Studies
Question: AITA for watching Family Guy on my computer during lecture? Who even likes calculus?
I don’t think I’m the first person to say that MATH 1P97 is boring. It’s honestly a chore just to show up most days, and I know everyone says that, especially in this class . I’m still not sure why my academic advisor recommended this course, but there I am three times a week sitting in DHOWES waiting for it to end. After reading week (and a brutal first midterm) I started to check out (as did most of the class, if I’m being honest).
Adding to my semester from hell, despite how it sounds, I actually chose a pretty brutal major. One of my courses has tasked me with watching a long-running television series to analyze how ideas of leisure change over time. Naively, I chose Family Guy. Funny show, yes, but I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.
To get through it, I started watching episodes during lecture. I figured the students around me wouldn’t mind my silent viewing, given the class’s boring content . Apparently… I was wrong. One student told the professor, who walked over, slammed my laptop shut and took it to the front of the room.
He said I was disrespecting his teaching by not giving him my undivided attention and distracting others. I think watching this much Family Guy has really rotted my brain because I don’t even enjoy the show anymore. I tried explaining it was schoolwork, but he ignored me to continue his discussion on some boring calculus bullshit I’m never going to use.
After spending the rest of the lecture twiddling my thumbs, I couldn’t help but wonder, am I the asshole here?
Occupation: Unnamed Parking Attendant
Major: Accounting
Question: AITA for existing?
Walking around campus sometimes feels hostile, like I’ve been infected with something no one wants to get near. Some days I genuinely feel like I’m treated as a second-rate citizen.
As a parking attendant, I believe we have the most dangerous job on campus with the least recognition. Every day I walk nearly 10 km ensuring no car goes unaccounted for and that everyone has paid to park where they are. My job is vital to the school’s operation. That isn’t opinion, it’s operational reality; Brock Parking Services are the first line of defence against spot fraud.
I work tirelessly to keep my lots in order, but all I get in return are people annoyed that I showed up at all. Or worse, cussing me out for putting a boot on their car, which I will admit only go to the worst of the worst, truly bottom of the barrel, students on campus.
So, I have to ask: am I the asshole for just existing? Because if I am, I’d like to see how students handle the chaos that would follow if even one parking violation went unrecognized.
Name: Barry McCockiner
Major: something Social Sciences idk
Question: AITA for vaping during my final exam?
I’d like to start off by saying I only majored in sciences because my buddy Tyler J. said all the babes were studying biomolecular philosophy or whatever… and because I’m an extrovert.
I had no idea the program was this hard or that lectures were mandatory. I’ve been chillin using Chat and Gemini for readings, assignments and essays. I also didn’t know those tools would be restricted during the final exam. They seriously make up new rules every day that no one even knows about.
So, I show up to the exam. First off, I thought I’d at least get breaks to shoot a few hoops between questions, but the entire gym was covered in desks. I was stressin bad so naturally I hit the hooch and honestly the gym was huge, so the clouds looked insane but before I even finished the first hit, this rule-follower was already waving over a proctor.
He tried to take my vape away even after I clarified that nowhere was it explicitly explained to me that I couldn’t vape. He claimed it counted as an “electronic device” and was therefore not allowed. See what I mean? Rules changing for no reason.
I knew I wasn’t getting through this test on my lip pillows alone so asked if I could ghost it while keeping it tucked in my sleeve. He didn’t know what that meant. I tried to demonstrate and the next thing I know I’m being escorted out and told I can’t complete the exam.
Now I’ve failed the course and might have to retake it, assuming my crypto portfolio doesn’t take off this summer, although Braxton Z. did set me up with his uncle, who says he can probably get me in on the ground floor at Goldman anyway.
So… am I the asshole for vaping in the gym? (It was a boosted pineapple rings I totally would’ve shared.)
Name: Victoria Surplus
Major: Economics
Question: AITA for suing someone over a Timmies order?
I can’t be the only person who follows a special rule when it comes to mobile orders at the Tim Hortons on campus. My rule is simple: if it’s been sitting there for over an hour, they’re not coming for it, and it’s fair game.
This makes logical sense to me. The expected outcome of delayed pickup is forfeiture.
So, three Tuesdays ago, I assumed possession of a forfeited white sprinkle donut. After one bite I realized the topping was not white sprinkles but coconut flakes. Due to my coconut allergy, I went into anaphylactic shock.
After everything my family, roommates, and even my dog had to go through, I tracked down the person who originally ordered the doughnut and requested compensation (or at least a public apology for causing said anaphylactic shock). She laughed and dismissed me.
Naturally, I am pressing charges for intentional infliction of emotional and physical distress, as well as negligence and mislabelling of food.
Unfortunately, the original purchaser shares mutual friends with me, which has created a social rift. I assumed people would take my side (apparently not), so I need to know: am I the asshole for suing someone over a doughnut I technically “stole”?
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If you want the Brock student body to weigh in on your petty disputes, relationship problems, academic disasters, legal threats, existential crises, questionable personal decisions, diagnosed STI, late semester abortion or other deeply preventable personal situations, please consider submitting to the in-person Brock Press digital drop box.
Please note that emotional maturity, foresight and common sense are not required for publication.
We cannot help you. But we will read it.
This article is part of a special edition of The Brock Press for April Fools and is completely satirical. None of the content contained within this article is meant to be representative of reality and all quotes have been fabricated.