Dating apps are set to dominate the future of finding love, and I couldn’t be unhappier about it.
It’s no secret that dating apps like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble have exploded in popularity over the last decade. What started as an impromptu social experiment blending technology and relationships has become a fairly standard method of finding love.
This is especially true across Gen Z and young Millennials, who use dating apps at a far higher rate than older generations. A 2023 study by Pew Research Center found that 53 per cent of U.S. adults aged 18 to 29 have used a dating app, compared to 37 per cent of U.S. adults aged 30 to 49 and 20 per cent of adults aged 50 to 64. This startling trend represents a turning point in the way people find love, with the use of dating apps presumably only set to increase over time.
It’s not hard to understand why so many people have opted for dating apps; I personally have several theories — it likely mitigates the fear of rejection when you don’t have to experience it face-to-face, it shows you a range of people who are actively seeking relationships, it allows you to easily select potential matches based on traits you find physically attractive, and you don’t have to worry about embarrassing yourself or making someone uncomfortable in-person.
In other words, dating apps solve a lot of common problems that come with the traditional method of asking someone out face-to-face. It’s hardly surprising, then, that these apps found great success in an increasingly digital world, especially after the pandemic opened a lot of avenues for us to be more technologically siloed in our day-to-day activities.
But the proliferation of dating-app mediated matchmaking brings out an important question: Is it always a good thing to use technology to control the challenges associated with socially daunting tasks? Or could it be that the uncomfortable feelings associated with, say, approaching someone to ask them out, are an important part of the human experience?
Don’t be mistaken, I’m not anti-dating app because they make things easier. I simply don’t think that human beings were meant to select potential partners based on a checklist of “compatible” traits, and certainly not a visible list of who’s the most objectively attractive. Not only does this reduce people to their looks and risk passing up people that might make a great partner for someone based on their personalities, but it starts making the search for love less of a quest for authentic connection and more like a Jubilee social experiment.
Dating apps have effectively given said type of social experiment a human-generation-sized sample. Maybe it’s just me, but I find heartwarming stories about meeting your love-to-be in-person much more endearing than stories of finding them through a smartphone.
My grandparents, for example, met in an A&W drive-through over half a century ago. My grandfather and his friend were sitting in his car when they noticed my grandmother and her friend seated in hers. The boys, naturally interested, asked the girls if they’d like to hop in their car, and the girls politely declined — only to ask the boys if they’d like to hop in theirs instead. My grandfather and his friend enthusiastically accepted the girls’ invitation, got talking to my eventual-grandmother and the rest is history.
It’s a story they reminisced about for decades, and one my grandmother still fondly remembers him by today. For their 50th wedding anniversary, I remember emailing A&W’s headquarters to tell them my grandparents’ story, and they happily sent some free merchandise to commemorate the occasion.
Now, imagine for a second that none of that ever happened, and they instead met through a dating app. Would they still have had the same fond memories of seeing each other for the first time? Or would the story of “how did you meet your partner” suddenly become a whole lot less interesting?
Again, being forced to ask someone out in-person is usually a nerve-wracking experience, but it isn’t meant to be comfortable. I think the nerves that come with approaching someone are all a part of the experience, and they show that you care. When you remove that in the name of convenience, you might simplify the dating process, but you also remove an integral part of the experience that I don’t think is easily replaced.
Let’s be clear: I’m not trying to point a finger at anyone using a dating app and tell them that’s wrong. I’m also not trying to tell anyone that they should feel guilty or that it makes their relationships any less valuable if they’ve used dating apps to meet their partners. The benefits of dating apps are clear to see, and it’s impossible to fault anyone for wanting to take advantage of them, especially if they haven’t had luck approaching people in-person. I, too, have considered using dating apps, and I’m not completely opposed to trying one out in the future.
I’m simply making a case for the original, tried-and-true method of approaching people face-to-face, and why we shouldn’t give up on it. Dating apps might make things easier, but they should never replace in-person interaction even if it’s far less comfortable. We may not be at this point yet, but it’d be a crying shame if dating apps became the most popular way to find relationships across the board.
So, face your fears and do something uncomfortable. Try creating a story that will last for generations to come. Who knows? In 60 years, your grandchildren just might be writing an article about it.