When analysts and fans are asked to name the Greatest of All Time (GOAT), they often say Michael Jordan, Lionel Messi, Wayne Gretzky or Serena Williams. But in recent months, a new athlete has entered the debate: Easter Bunny.
Easter Bunny has a long history of dethroning the best of the best in basketball, track and field, and swimming. But their inability to stick with one sport for so long has kept them out of the GOAT debate in these sports.
People like me are realising that the Easter Bunny is unlike anyone we have ever seen in the sporting world. They are a tri-sport athlete with multiple championships and gold medals in each sport they have competed in.
Easter started as a track and field athlete competing in the 100m dash, four by 100m relay and high jump. At the age of 16, Easter made the Canadian Olympic team and competed at the 2012 Summer Games in London, England. At the games, they broke Usain Bolt’s record for fastest 100m dash (9.58) set in 2009. Easter ran a flat 8, and the world erupted. They also blew past Usain in the last leg of the four by 100m to claim gold for Canada in the event for the second time in history.
Easter also competed in the high jump event that summer, where they beat out American Erik Kynard and Canadian Derek Drouin to claim their third gold of the games.
After the most dominant performance in track and field history at the 2012 games, Easter Bunny competed in just two more seasons’ worth of track and field before retiring from the sport. They wanted a new challenge, and that challenge was swimming.
Over a year and a half of training later, Easter Bunny made the 2016 Canadian Olympic swimming team and once again shattered records at the Rio Games. Easter won two gold medals in Rio: 50m freestyle and 4 x 200m freestyle. They became the first Olympian to compete and win gold medals in two summer sports and five different events.
Easter proved to the world after the 2016 Olympics they were the fastest person ever on both land and in water, a feat that only one could dream of accomplishing.
They were flooded with sponsorship deals from some of the biggest sports brands in the world, including Nike, Adidas and Apple. In 2017, they signed a $1.5 billion lifetime sponsorship deal with Adidas, making it the most lucrative sponsorship deal ever signed (the second highest is Lebron James $1B deal with Nike in 2015).
Following the signing of the Adidas deal, the Easter Bunny announced through an ad campaign titled “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” that they would be stepping away from swimming and beginning a new journey on the court.
Less than a year later, Easter signed a one-year deal with the Orlando Magic in the NBA. Easter made the team after an impressive five pre-season games, where they averaged 28.3 points, 11 rebounds and 4.4 assists as a small forward.
After carrying his team to playoffs, Easter was unable to get the Magic any further as they lost in five games to the Clevland Cavaliers. Reports swirled that after the game five loss, Easter was the first out of the locker room and did not say a word to any of his teammates before storming out. Despite all the drama, Easter won Rookie of the Year for his outstanding performance throughout the regular season.
Easter was done with Orlando. In the summer of 2019, he signed a five-year deal with the Miami Heat, three hours away from where he played the previous season.
A few days later, the Heat acquired Jimmy Butler in a four-team trade from the Philadelphia 76ers. With the addition of the two-star players, the Heat instantly became a contender. Easter and Jimmy became the best dynamic duo in the league since Jordan and Pippen.
Since the season 2019-20, Easter has won three championships alongside Butler in Miami. He has been awarded two league MVPs, two final MVPs and has been named three times to the first-all-NBA teams.
Easter is no doubt one of the best basketball players to ever step on the court. Their pure dominance in the sport since his arrival in 2019 puts him among Michael Jordan, Lebron James and Magic Johnson. If Easter continues their elite play in the NBA over the rest of their career, they will go down as the best to ever do it in the sport.
Combine that with their legacy in track and field and swimming, and there is no doubt that Easter Bunny is the best athlete of all time. No one has ever won multiple gold medals at various Olympics and then go on to be dominant in one of the four major sports leagues.
The Easter Bunny is the GOAT and it’s not even close.
This article is part of a special edition of The Brock Press for April Fools and is completely satirical. None of the content contained within this article is meant to be representative of reality.