Whether you’re a first-year student or you’ve just transferred to a new school, you will feel alone. You will walk the halls alone, eat alone, get used to being alone and sometimes, more often than you think, feel alone — and all of that is okay.
As a third-year student, I was hanging out with someone in their first year who was anxious about going to the bathroom or getting lunch without someone to walk with. Some people might think that feeling awkward walking to places by themselves is bizarre, but to me, I saw a version of myself from four years ago.
I’m not sure what it is about going from high school to university, but we’re so accustomed to being around people we know. We spent years seeing the same people every day, from meeting them in Grade 9 or even before that to growing up with them until our senior year.
Being surrounded by people we knew became the norm.
Maybe that comfortable feeling started even earlier. When we were younger, we had our parents and family members with us constantly, wherever we went — whether it was to the grocery store, a doctor’s appointment or any other public setting. We were rarely expected to navigate these spaces by ourselves until we grew up.
Eventually, all that changes, and when it hits you for the first time as you fully move into your new place or walk onto campus, absolutely certain that you know nobody here, you realize you have to get used to being alone — and at first, it’s terrifying.
I had this problem, and I never thought much of it until I got over it.
I always had this strong belief that I would be judged by others if I walked or spent time alone in public, especially in spaces where everyone else seemed to be surrounded by friends.
I thought I was lame, that people would think I was a loser, and that being alone in those settings meant I had no friends.
But then one day I thought to myself: would I have these thoughts if I saw someone by themselves? No. Did I ever judge people for simply minding their own business? Also no.
And the reality is that this applies to everyone — and honestly, if someone actually judged someone else because they were by themselves, that is extremely lame. To put it plainly, you shouldn’t worry about being alone in large public settings because nobody cares. And once you realize that nobody is truly paying attention to the things you are insecure about, it becomes a lot easier to be comfortable in your own space.
In my second year of university, I lived alone for the first time, and it was an unexpected breath of fresh air.
My degrading feelings about being alone in university were replaced by a newfound independence, a new version of myself that embraced the moments I had to myself because, if you think about it, you can do whatever your heart desires.
One time I tried eating at my favourite Thai restaurant on my own. After getting past the natural anxious jitters and realizing that I could order as many appetizers as I wanted (within reason, of course, since I was paying) without worrying about being judged, I felt surprisingly peaceful.
And when you find that sense of peace and independence, it’s a magical feeling. You realize that being alone is okay. You don’t need to be constantly surrounded by people just because it feels like there’s some unspoken rule saying you should be.
Nobody talks about it, but a huge part of adjusting to university is learning that whatever your situation is — whether you have roommates, live at home or live alone — you will probably feel isolated at some point.
You’ll sit in a library by yourself. You’ll walk to your classes alone. You’ll look over at a group of friends and feel incredibly envious.
And all of that is okay.
Because, truthfully, at the end of the day, almost nobody cares whether you’re by yourself or not. Most people are too busy thinking about themselves to monitor who is walking alone on campus.
However, and I’m somewhat contrasting this, there’s a line to be crossed. You can get too comfortable being alone, and that is when it becomes a little concerning.
In my second year, I became so comfortable being alone in my apartment that I started preferring to spend time there instead of doing things I enjoyed with other people. It’s crazy because first-year me would have jumped at any opportunity to be around people.
But by my second year, it had become scarily normal to do the same thing every day, and I enjoyed my peace at home a little too much.
Eventually, I realized that I was neglecting people who genuinely wanted to spend time with me, and at that point, I latched onto that amazing feeling of independence so strongly that I was now isolating myself from my own relationships, and I didn’t even know it.
So, I challenge you. If you’re someone who somewhat or extremely struggles with being alone in public, try to see it as an opportunity. Study by yourself in the library. Walk to class alone. Go out for dinner at a nice restaurant by yourself. Cherish the moments when you can relax and sit with your own thoughts.
But most importantly, find a balance.
Being comfortable alone doesn’t mean you should stop trying to be around other people. An article posted by the CDC tells us that we as people are social creatures, and social connection is important to both our mental and physical health. As important as it is to start enjoying our own company, it doesn’t mean we should neglect interacting with others.
There’s nothing wrong with enjoying and being comfortable in your own company. In fact, learning to do so can be one of the most freeing parts of university.
Just don’t let being alone become your routine to the point where you start avoiding the people and experiences you might later wish you had made time for.
If I could tell my younger self, who used to worry about things like this, anything, I would tell her to take a breath and relax. There’s nobody to impress and nobody waiting to judge you just because you’re walking through a public space by yourself.
And if you’re someone who worries about the same things, I hope you take that message with you, too.