I have written over 180 articles over my four years at The Brock Press, and while I’m proud of many of them, it stands to reason that not all would be winners.
Indeed, some of my articles have faced the brunt of public criticism. Now, it is finally time to see exactly why these five pieces didn’t land well and directly respond to the negative feedback that these articles accrued.
The most overrated video game of all time
This article details my opinion that The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is in fact not the greatest game of all time, no matter how many online ranking-lists position it as such. The article naturally had Ocarina stans seething, leading me to receive a hate-DM on Instagram that referred to my work as — and I quote — an “abortion of an article.”
In fact, the user was so convinced of this insult’s effectiveness that they referred to the article as an “abortion” twice within the same message.
This is one of those pieces of feedback that makes me reflect on what I do, think about how I can improve, and move forward as a better, stronger writer. To this anonymous critic — thank you for helping me grow in my craft.
With that said… L + ratio, you’re still wrong bozo. Skip Ocarina of Time, play Breath of the Wild. If you have a problem, take it up with my DMs so I can comfortably ignore you.
Public displays of affection: keep it to yourself
It was this article that led The Brock Press to receive its first Google review — one that gave us a measly two stars. In the review, our writers are called “low quality” and I am specifically referred to as having a “sad life” for letting couples snuggling on buses “ruin my day.”
I suppose this is as good a time as any to clarify that I’ve never had a problem with people snuggling on the city bus; it’s only the over-the-top cases that I took issue with. Regardless, I’ve taken this feedback to heart, ensuring that every couple I see making out on the bus receives a hearty congratulations and a high-five to match.
This is a rare case where criticism gave me the opportunity to become not just a better writer, but a better person. Thank you to this reviewer for opening my eyes to the beauty that lies in public romance.
(Now please update your Google review because it’s dragging down our average. Thanks in advance.)
Losing the McRib is a modern-day tragedy
This heartfelt article provided a detailed analysis of what exactly made the McRib so special before McDonald’s made the crushing decision to snatch it out of our hands just as quickly as they gave it to us. This was indeed one of those rare situations that genuinely broke my spirit. Quarter Pounders just don’t have that magic, as anyone who’s ever tasted a McRib will testify.
This made it even more devastating when an Instagram user called the McRib “overrated” in the comments of a Brock Press post highlighting the article. “Who even eats McDonald’s anyway?,” they continued, as if to rub salt in this very fresh wound.
It was only once a responder told this bully to “quit yapping” that my faith in humanity was restored. To this beacon of light, thank you for not only coming to my defence but for standing behind fans of the McRib during our darkest hour.
Modern art: the greatest grift in artistic history
This article showed me how disagreements don’t just arise outside The Brock Press; they can also come from within. Indeed, in an act of ghoulish betrayal, our own former Arts Editor Will Grant wrote an article responding to my piece, rebutting my arguments in a write-up that can only be accurately described as pro-modern-art propaganda.
Before I even had a chance to raise a complaint with our Board of Directors, many of our other editors who had reviewed both pieces started voicing their opinions that they agreed with Will.
I was utterly blindsided by our editorial team’s lack of common sense and general duplicity. That two-star review is starting to make a whole lot more sense now.
Why dogs are better pets than cats
Let it be known that I wrote this article as an inside joke with a friend, and it is far from my best work. This is why I am bewildered that it is my most viewed article on the website.
That’s right: although I do generally agree that I would rather have a dog than a cat, I’m not actually serious enough to publish a 700-word article about it with a straight face. Our previous editor-in-chief received an email citing this article, saying that they were surprised that we would upload such a silly piece onto our website, and honestly, I have to agree. I’m still not sure how I got away with making that one of my weekly submissions. (Sucker.)
Regardless, I guess this is my legacy now. If comparing pet-store animals is going to net my work tens of thousands of views, then you bet your bottom dollar I’ve found my niche. Please look forward to my next editorial, which will describe why fish make far better pets than any bird ever could.
This article is part of a special edition of The Brock Press for April Fools and is completely satirical. None of the opinions contained within this article are meant to be representative of reality.