I have written over 180 articles over my four years at The Brock Press, and while I’m proud of many of them, it stands to reason that not all would be winners. 

In a bid to stem the deficit at Brock University, the Office of the President has announced plans to sell Schmon Tower to the Rogers Corporation. The tower will be renamed “Rogers Tower” and join Rogers’ other venue acquisitions, Rogers Stadium and Rogers Centre. 

Ontario is preparing to transfer the responsibility and management of all sidewalks across the province to Metrolinx by June. The move, detailed in the Safer Sidewalks Act, aims to improve safety both on sidewalks and between road-sidewalk intersections. 

The following are a collection of stories, opinions and comments submitted through The Brock Press’ digital drop box located in the K block of Mackenzie Chown. 

Walking through the dense flora, a floptropica under a beaming sun that never sets, I had long since lost track of time and direction when I heard it — the faint hum of summers past growing louder as I continued deeper into the jingle. The sound balloons into a cacophony of past bops converging toward a singular destination: the Khia Asylum. 

Brock students neglecting to pay parking tickets has become an out-of-control issue, allegedly resulting in “catastrophic losses” for the university, according to a new report. 

Three-year-old border terrier Andrew Barkly announced his new podcast, The Barkcast. After being enlightened by the “paw-pill” movement, Barkly thinks it’s his responsibility to spread awareness and urge other dogs to “abandon complacency and return to their wolf-rooted alpha mindset before the treats run out.”

It was 4:15 a.m. behind the loading dock of yet another chronically overpriced, corporate-owned grocery store. The air was thick with the scent of discarded dreams, exhaust fumes and the unmistakable, depressing aroma of generic-brand frozen meat product that, according to its label, “may contain meat.” 

On March 17, the Ford government announced new laws pertaining to alcohol at public or community events in Ontario. Starting in late April, you will now be allowed to bring your preferred beers, ciders and coolers to your favourite outdoor church gatherings! Don’t forget to bring the kids.

After returning home from their away game against the Detroit Pistons at Little Caesars Arena, the Toronto Raptors' team bus came to an abrupt stop amid some of the most bizarre news in sports history.

In what experts are calling a “revolutionary approach to post-secondary education,” fourth-year Brock University student Paige Turner has reportedly mastered the ability to successfully debate the 250 pages of weekly readings she never even glanced at.  

Schmon Tower has long stood as a proud academic landmark at Brock University — a beacon of higher learning, intellectual curiosity and, more recently, a deeply concerning range of emotional environments depending entirely on which floor you happen to step out of the elevator onto. 

After 213 years of being worshipped as a Canadian hero, inconceivable truths about Sir Isaac Brock have come to light, and the university population is reeling. 

Forget what you know about The Brock Press. September 2025 brings a new chapter to our humble newspaper with the all-new The BUSU Press! 

With exam season right around the corner, Brock has approved the construction of “Cry Pods.” 

No amount of anti-Santa propaganda will ever convince me that the jolly fat man who enters my chimney at Christmastime isn’t real. 

I’ve been locked in the Press office for close to 100 days. I need help. 

Nothing says “elite performance” like vodka crans and shin splints.  

Donald Trump declared himself “King of America” in a speech that’s gone viral. 

If you have lingered around the hallways on campus for long enough, you have likely seen a reimagining of the WW1 “Uncle Sam” poster hanging around. 

Being the best Brock student possible today is difficult, but it’s not impossible if you know what you’re doing.  

Overall rating: 2/5 “Baby Shark” is a cult classic, but underneath its dark exterior lies a deeper, more depressing message that the viral sensation is trying to hide.

In a shocking twist for worldwide fans of university journalism, The Brock Press has officially declared war on BrockTV, the video-centric student-run organization with an office next door to ours. 

The source’s name in this article has been altered for safety reasons. This Brock faculty member will be henceforth referred to as John Doe. Brock’s newest policy, the Exam Tax, should more than make up for the $37 million deficit the University recently reported.

When analysts and fans are asked to name the Greatest of All Time (GOAT), they often say Michael Jordan, Lionel Messi, Wayne Gretzky or Serena Williams. But in recent months, a new athlete has entered the debate: Easter Bunny.